This site runs best with JavaScript enabled.

I shouldn't be feeling this way

Jesse Martin

November 21, 2018


Here's another common trap I see guys fall into. They say something like this:

I shouldn't be feeling this way it's been 6 months (or longer)!

or

I shouldn't be feeling this way, we only date for 6 months (or shorter)!

or

I shouldn't be feeling this way, she's obviously moved on!

What trap are they falling into?

They're judging what they're feeling. By passing judgment to what you're feeling, you're introducing another level of feelings. You become angry because you're sad, or you become sad because you're angry.

Ask yourself what am I feeling? Identify the emotion. Label it. "I'm feeling sadness right now."

Labelling the emotion puts us outside of it. It creates some space around it. It makes it less overwhelming. It's the difference with "I am sad."

Then ask yourself: What am I not accepting? Let the answer arise naturally. Perhaps you're not accepting that you feel this intensity of emotion. Perhaps you're not accepting that you feel this much out of control.

Identify what you're not accepting. Label it. "I feel like I cannot accept that I am this sad about this."

Then focus on your breath. Identify, label and focus on your breath.

What we resist persists. Judgment is a form of resistance. Instead we must accept fully and unconditionally accept the emotions that are there at the present moment.

Remember, they may feel REAL but that doesn't make them TRUE.

Share article

Get her out of your head



Jesse Martin © 2020