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My girlfriend broke up with me out of nowhere

Jesse Martin

December 21, 2020

Girlfriend called it quits out of nowhere Thursday. We haven't even had fights in 4 years we were together. I love her dearly and miss her deeply. I need help stopping myself from trying to contact her. She said she wanted to be friends and I said I can't because I'd want to touch her and hold her. We texted a little bit after I talked to her Thursday. That was our last communication. She is/was so amazing . Most amazing 4 years of my life. I look at other couples and cringe just because It was so much different than a typical relationship.

Breakups don't happen out of nowhere.

If you want to deal with the pain, you need to establish your reality first. If you think your ex broke up with you out of nowhere for no reason, you're wrong.

There's the story of what really happened between you two, and there's the story you're telling yourself that happened. If your internal story doesn't match the external reality, this will manifest itself as pain. You cannot ignore it, because your mind will detect that your story doesn't make sense (after all, how could she break up with you out of nowhere? The answer is: she didn't — your story is wrong) and repeatedly confront you with it.

People don't end great relationships. Certainly not out of nowhere for no reason. If she broke up with you, there's a reason. Maybe she can articulate it, maybe she can't. Maybe you can understand it, maybe you can't. But there's a reason.

It might take time to understand what happened. Usually we need some weeks or even months of distance and reflection and rebuilding to be able to understand what went wrong.

You don't need to understand everything right now. You simply need to accept your current situation. It appears she doesn't want to be with you, and the reasons aren't clear right now — and that hurts and is confusing as hell.

One of the members of our Facebook community chimed in:

I went through the same thing with my former girlfriend. I felt the same way as you do. As the dust settled and time passed. I realized how out of balance our relationship was. I also noticed how miserable I was. I’m so glad that I’m not with her and thank my lucky stars I didn’t move in with her or marry her. 😅 It took me about 1 year to get over her. But the minute I was single I realized there are so many other woman out there and was dating about 3 of them and finally picked the one I’m most compatible with. I actually upgraded and have a woman who is into me equally! I would recommend seeing a therapist. I did and it validated all the things I didn’t like about her and put up with. Dude, she did you a favor, trust me. I learned so much from my former girlfriend and also learned that I will never put up with anyone’s shit again. I’m so much happier in my life. Hang in there 👍

When you're still in shock of what happened to you, you won't be able to understand why it happened. Insight comes with distance, time and reflection. Now is the time for re-aligning with reality. A friend of mine straight up asked his ex "do you see any chance of us getting back together?" and, even though it was painful to hear and to accept, when she answered "no" he had the closure he needed to move on.

Establish what your reality is. Don't fight what is. It hurts and you always lose.

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Get her out of your head

Jesse Martin © 2021