I know she still loves me
April 10, 2014
From a reader:
I just lost my girlfriend. I mean, she left me for another guy but I know that guy ain't good for her. He doesn't deserve her. I really love her and can do anything to get her back. Just temme what to do. I know she still loves me.
As painful as it is to have your girlfriend leave you for another guy, fundamentally, it's not something you can control. Eckhart Tolle says about facing situations that bother us: either leave it, change it or accept it, all else is madness.
You must learn to recognize what you can and cannot control, what you can and cannot leave. This is a situation you cannot escape from and a situation that is beyond your control, all that is left is to accept it. The pain you are feeling emanates from the state you are putting yourself in by refusing to accept what is beyond your control.
You say you know that she still loves you, but this is largely irrelevant. Love is not an esoteric, transcending experience. It is more like an intoxicating cocktail of hormonal and neurological constellations that overwhelms us, and in some cases takes the better part of us.
One day she loves you, the next day she's with someone else. How is that possible?
The answer is that our concept of love is naive and oversimplified. Love is a survival and replication strategy designed to increase our chances of passing on our genes to the next generation.
We are wired to love, but we are also wired to survive and to be opportunistic when necessary. Different situations call upon our evolutionary programming in different ways and often lead to surprising and painful outcomes. She may very well have loved you and felt attached to you, but given the right set of circumstances a more powerful, opportunistic feeling could have taken over. It happens all the time...
The question you should be asking is not "how do I get her back?" it is "what can I change/control?".