I Know She Still Loves Me

I Know My Ex-Girlfriend Still Loves MeFrom a reader:

Hey, I just lost my girlfriend. I mean, she left me for another guy but I know that guy ain’t good for her. He doesn’t deserve her. I really love her and can do anything to get her back. Just temme what to do. I know she still loves me.

As painful as it is to have your girlfriend leave you for another guy, fundamentally, it’s not something you can control. Eckhart Tolle says about facing situations that bother us: either leave it, change it or accept it, all else is madness.

You must learn to recognize what you can and cannot control, what you can and cannot leave. This is a situation you cannot escape from and a situation that is beyond your control, all that is left is to accept it. The pain you are feeling emanates from the state you are putting yourself in by refusing to accept what is beyond your control.

You say you know that she still loves you, but this is largely irrelevant. Love is not an esoteric, transcending experience. It is more like an intoxicating cocktail of hormonal and neurological constellations that overwhelms us, and in some cases takes the better part of us.

One day she loves you, the next day she’s with someone else. How is that possible?

The answer is that our concept of love is naive and oversimplified. Love is a survival and replication strategy designed to increase our chances of passing on our genes to the next generation.

We are wired to love, but we are also wired to survive and to be opportunistic when necessary. Different situations call upon our evolutionary programming in different ways and often lead to surprising and painful outcomes. She may very well have loved you and felt attached to you, but given the right set of circumstances a more powerful, opportunistic feeling could have taken over. It happens all the time…

The question you should be asking is not “how do I get her back?” it is “what can I change/control?”.

About Jesse

I’ve been helping guys recover from their breakups since 2012. Work with me to fast-track your recovery.


  1. Paladinrja says:

    No you should not get her back. Why would you want to? The second she fucked off she became someone else. Thats her purpose for scramming out the door. Realize this. No… if you are lucky she is a normal girl, if you are unlucky you will need to resort to counter-manipulation to get her to stick to her guns about leaving you, ie. if she asks for space you give her none. Believe me, some birds do this crap for attention and get off on your crisis. That said, I tend to use the 3 strikes rule with this, thats about as much as I can handle before she is shit to me. Upon strike 4 she gets demoted to a concern factor and no longer a proposition for the future. Anyone I have to get a message across to more than 3 times, most likely needs a good kick in the head, certainly doesn’t deserve my love and intimacy.

    That 3 strikes rule though is a double edged sword but its also useful as a test of their commitment level. If they get it right then you should gain strength as a partnership, if they get it wrong then they will just keep pushing it. A man must also go through his own ebbs and flows and the emancipation perception of women whom want a serious relationship have to create a section of their own relationship profile to account for that, or seriously girls, your love and affection is just a one way street and most of us guys get bored with you quick. Especially if your guy is an emotionally mature fella, sure you are gonna get outta space with his intuition but the answer there is simple. Get real and stop fucking around.

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