How to get over your ex-girlfriend moving on (Advice for men)
September 15, 2012
Seeing your ex girlfriend move on before, you yourself, are ready to take that next step, is a painful experience. It hurts to see someone who was once your closest companion moving on to new things and new people. And it can be devastating to realize that she's moving on in her life, and you're clinging on to the past. It might cause you to ask yourself: how do I deal with her moving on? And how long is it going to take to get over her? The truth is, it's going to take a while. Meanwhile, the thought of her being intimate with another guy haunts your mind. If you see her together with someone else, you might think your world will cease to exist.
Here's the thing though.
You world will not cease to exist.
It will hurt, and you will survive. Breakups hurt, and you're going to need to acknowledge that some things are going to make you feel sad. You can't control your emotions, but you can control your reponse. The key is to allow yourself to feel sad once in a while, but not let it determine the course of your life. You can choose not to suffer.
Right now, I want you to make a promise to yourself. Tell yourself "It's okay to be sad, but I choose not to suffer." Say it out loud and say it in your head when you start to feel overwhelmed.
If you haven't already, read my guide on how to get over a breakup for men.
Now here are some tips for dealing with an ex-girlfriend that's moving on.
Go No Contact
The golden rule to a rapid breakup recovery: no contact. You see, a relationship is an emotional addiction. It can have a lot of positive effects on your life if you're in a healthy relationship. But when faced with rejection, the negative sides of the addiction rears its head. If your relationship wasn't that healthy to begin with, the addictive symptoms are likely to be even more severe. If she left you for another guy, even more so. Cold turkey no contact is the best strategy for you for now. This will prevent you from re-triggering your pain and resetting your recovery. Don't fall into the trap of thinking you can be friends!
Acknowledge Your Feelings
Having a hard time dealing with an ex girlfriend that's moving on often goes hand in hand with a host of other feelings. You might be experiencing, among other things, embarrassment, anxiousness or anger. It's crucial that you come to accept that it's okay to feel that way. It's okay to feel sad, mad or confused - it's a breakup. You're going to be off of your game once in a while, and the sooner you accept that, the quicker you'll get over it. Don't try and fight or refuse the feeling. It's part of you, if you want it to be or not. The next step is talking back to the feeling.
Engage in Positive Self Talk
Everyone has a little internal voice with which they talk to themselves. Start to take notice of what you are saying to yourself. You want to make sure you're always using supportive, positive self talk. In order to cope with setbacks in life you need to get into the habit of talking back to yourself in a positive way. Staying positive will make you feel better, and feeling better will allow you to achieve more of the things you want in life. So catch yourself when you slip into a negative train of thoughts and turn it around!
Adopt Positive Mindsets
Every setback is a challenge. Every closed door equals an open window. Things might be hard now, but maybe this is the most valuable life lesson you'll ever learn. Will Smith supposedly answered the question "How did you become to successful?" by saying "It's easy because I'm black". How's that for a powerful mindset?
Seeing your ex can be a stressful and debilitating experience. To be able to handle seeing your ex you must mentally rehearse what you would want yourself to do. Mentally prepare your encounters with your ex. Ask yourself the question "What would my best self do?" and plan to do just that. Stick to what you want to do, what you feel is right. Don't confuse this with your comfort zone, because your comfort zone is likely going to be a bit too small right now. And pushing it makes you grow.
Focus on Yourself
Your ex girlfriend is moving on, because she's focusing on herself. The harsh truth is that you're no longer in a reciprocal love relationship. So there's no point in dwelling on the bond you had if you're the only one doing so. Instead, this is a prime opportunity for you to explore beyond that and bond with new people of different walks of life. Join a team, attend a meetup, pick up a new hobby. This will get some positive momentum going in your life, and that's the key to getting over this phase.
Let me know if this article has helped you deal with an ex-girlfriend that's moving on, post a comment below or drop a line in the breakup forum. I love hearing from readers.