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Don't take ups and downs too seriously

Jesse Martin

August 30, 2020


Don't take ups and downs too seriously

Your recovery will not be a linear process. You will feel a wide range of emotions at varying intensities at different times. When you’re on an upswing, it’s easy to feel like you’re doing alright. When you’re on the subsequent downswing, you’ll feel like you’ve reverted.

In fact you’ll be wrong in both cases. The ups and downs are part of the process. It’s helpful to realize — both during an upswing as during a downswing — that they will come to an end.

By now I hope you understand that maintaining a strict policy of no contact with your ex-girlfriend is the best strategy for minimizing your suffering. However, like any recalcitrant habit you might want to kick, on occasion you might slip.

Slipping, too, is part of the process and is completely okay. Be as strict as possible to avoid slipping, but if you slip, be kind with yourself and get back on track. In the case of breaking no contact, however, you might tear open some wounds that had just begun to heal. Or the pain you had just come to live with will overwhelm you once again.

All you need to do is make sure you get back on track again. I’ve never heard of anyone that went through a tough breakup that didn’t slip up like this. The risk and temptation of slipping up is part of what makes this hard.

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