Acknowledging your feelings

Throughout the aftermath of your breakup you will feel a wide range of emotions. Some will be more overwhelming than others and some will be less pleasant than others.

Our goal is to process these emotions and learn the lessons they are here to teach us. To accomplish that we must strive to acknowledge our emotions when they occur. It is far too easy to lose awareness, and get caught up in the emotions themselves or in our reactions to them.

When we forget or refuse to acknowledge an emotion, we create more suffering for ourselves.

If we refuse to acknowledge we are angry, our anger will not wane and we will remain angry for a longer time.

We must peal back all the layers of the emotional onion we are feeling.

During my most recent breakup, on multiple occasions I would feel anger swell up. I was aware of all the lessons and technique which I try to teach here, but still I managed to lose my awareness.

I was aware of the anger, but since I didn’t want to be angry, I told myself that I wasn’t going to be angry.

I only realized later that in doing so, I was making a value judgment towards the anger I was feeling. I felt it was a petty, primitive emotion that I shouldn’t be feeling.

I did not see this value judgment for what it was, another layer of emotion on top of the underlying anger. It caused me to suppress my anger and gave rise to a longer-term background level of frustration.

Only when I realized this, was I able to allow myself to feel angry but also allow myself to not want to feel angry at the same time.

Acknowledging your emotions becomes more difficult when there are multiple layers of emotions involved and they contradict one another.

Whenever you catch yourself feeling something, bring your awareness to it. What is it you’re feeling? What label can you put on this feeling? Is there any judgment attached to it? If so, always shine the light of your awareness on the judgment. What label can you put on it?

About Jesse

I’ve been helping guys recover from their breakups since 2012. Work with me to fast-track your recovery.

Comments

  1. Fighter says:

    Yes we guys get too attached and do everything possible to make her feel special and in my case I lost myself inthe process of loving her. No doubt she was a nice girl,intelligent , caring and loving.
    I used to adore her like a small girl and the worst thing is I used to cry before her if when I was too emotional asbit was a long distance relationship I am really feeling ashamed of why I did so .

    Brother keep one thing in mind nothing in this world is permanent and everything changes. No matter how good your relationship was how deep and true your love was but you could be replaced anytime due to any reason.

    In my case her parents had arranged for her a guy who is dammn successful and is of the same profession as she was and they asked her to meet him once. I remember on that day it was 8 am in the morning she said this to me she said she didn’t want to meet anyine because she loved me and I said her to go and meet as her parents would mind if she doesn’t go.
    That’s it from the next day texts stopped,calls stopped, I was ignored.
    As a man who had loved her I couldn’t tolerate this and started to ask her where the matter she behaved differently saying me to leave her alone she didn’t want me to talk etc . I noticed the change and asked her about the guy she met recently she said he was a great guy and after that day he tried to meet her twice and they became friends.
    I couldn’t tolerate it as we were thousands of miles apart and my anxiety increased,panic attacks, intrusive negative thoughts and I ask how can a guy tolerate this thing but still I tried to ask her and she replied she was at present confused and asked me not to disturb . I asked her to make me clear if we are together or not she said at this point nothing can be said slowly she ignored me completely and this made me horrible and this time I got mad at her and finally one day she said she can’t love me anymore as that guy was her compulsion and as her parents wish she is going to listen to them. I asked her can I come to meet her she reluctantly said it’s not possible and she said she doesn’t have time and she also asked I shouldn’t touch her. This Brooke my heart.

    My condition during these days was terrible as hell not able to sleep,not able to do anything,grief , constant thoughts and constantly changing emotions. Meanwhile she used to call me to know how I was doing nd guys this is where we fall never ever fall into this trap if someone leaves you stop contacting them stop receiving their calls or texts because if you are in contact you will go through Terrible hell yes the pain is inconsolable because you will be swinging from hope to extreme disappointment. HHEELL IT WAS

    I understood it has ended and my dreamsnhad been shattered and I was left alone with a hopeless life. I felt so worthless that I doubted myself. I cried I smoked as hell I criticized myself and I was literally going through the worst.

    Again after 15 Days of no contact I once text messaged her could I call her. She called me and I asked her could I call in the evening . I called her but she didn’t recieve. Then around 8 she called and I apologized for my mistakes and asked her about her she was a completely changed girl she was not my girl my life she had an attitude now and that night she was going out for dinner with the newly found guy and she was talking to me while traveling. That moment my heart literally tore apart I cried like a small child I can’t express how painful it is .
    Then she said a lot of things that day she said I was a person who complained a lot, had no emotional stability,had no maturity and …. I was left …. Guys I was alone,broke, worthless and literally death was better. She said I found my dream match in her but I was not the one she wanted.

    I now feel was this the same little sweet girl I loved . Now also I can’t sleep during nights ,cry Sometimes feel worthless and think about what ifs ,what coulds.

    Guys the one you love the most will hurt you the most, no matter how much you love you can be replaced and you can never change a persons mind by calling them and showing them you are in pain showing your suffering.

    I decided ok if this is the case let me face it no matter how I feel what I think i should start to move forward. Playing the victim will nothing. The people you love have left you knowing how you would feel and they are happy enjoying their life and chasing their dreams.

    Just sometimes you have to go through hell , you should be broken shaken and turned upside down to know how strong you are.

    I understood one thing no matter how painful it may be it is making me stronger it is making me wiser. I feel shame, guilt, regret every shit but in the end we too are special.
    The best way to get over your past is to make a future out of it.
    Dear friends love is great but attachment,dependency, addiction are bad. Love someone when you are ready not when you are alone.
    I accept all my flaws all my mistakes all my imperfections and forgave her for everything. I just now want to connect with the inner me and face the world and focus on my career.

    If I will ever love again??

    I don’t know but yes I will love myself first because I can’t betray or leave myself.
    Good day friends
    Be strong and yes one day you’ll look back and thank these days for what they made you.

    Chase your dreams and yes everything that happens has a strong reason.
    Pain is your friend without it you could never know how strong you are.
    Sayonara

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