How To Deal With Anger After A Breakup

You have to deal with a lot of different emotions, when going through a breakup, but anger is one the most difficult ones to deal with. You might be angry because of what your ex did to you. You might feel you didn’t deserve to be treated the way you were treated or you might be angry at her for not reciprocating your feelings. Then you might have feelings about your anger, you might feel anxious or guilty about being angry. The key is to recognize when anger can help you, and make your anger work for you, so it will become a healing tool for you during your breakup. Dealing with a breakup ultimately means dealing with your emotions.

If you haven’t read my guide for men on how to get over a breakup, make sure you do that first.

Why Do We Get Angry When We Are Dumped?

It turns out love and hate are intricately linked in the human brain. The basic brain network for rage is closely connected to centers in the prefrontal cortex that process reward-assessment and reward expectation. And when people and other animals begin to realize that an expected reward is in jeopardy, even unattainable, these centers in the prefrontal cortex signal and trigger rage.

The author of Why We Love, Helen Fisher, believes that anger serves the evolutionary purpose of extricating yourself from dead-end matches, lick your wounds and resume your quest for love in greener pastures.

I am not surprised that abandonment rage sometimes erupts into violence. Jilted men and women have wasted priceless reproductive time and energy on a partner who is deserting them.

They must start their courtship search again. Moreover, their reproductive future has been jeopardized – along with their social alliances, their personal happiness, and their reputation.

Their self-esteem is severely damaged. And time is dribbling by. Nature has given us a powerful purgative mechanism to help us release a rejecting mate and get on with living: rage.

In other words, anger is a natural dealing mechanism.

Unfortunately anger doesn’t necessarily cancel out love. It’s possible to be very angry, but still very much in love. All these feelings, luckily, lose intensity over time.

Getting In Touch With Your Anger

Getting in touch with your anger can have many benefits:

  • It will take your ex off the pedestal.
  • It can be a great motivator.
  • It can launch you out of a depression
  • It makes you feel less like a victim
  • It helps you move on emotionally
  • It helps you move past embarrassment
  • It helps you get over your ex and sever the tie with her
But there are also unhealthy ways of dealing with anger. Anger can be a deflector for other feelings that you are going to need come to terms with such as abandonment and grief. It’s easy to hide behind anger in order not to face our deeper emotions. Be cautious of these types of anger:
  1. Righteous Anger. “How could she do this to me?” It’s a way of protecting our bruised egos and dealing with humiliation and rejection. Please be careful to avoid this type of anger. Getting overly involved with your ego will keep you from accepting any accountability and stifle your ability to learn from your breakup.
  2. Revenge. We never want to act on revenge. Acting on revenge can ruin your life. It’s a negative type of energy you need to steer clear from.

Expressing Your Anger

Some ways to express anger
  • Accept your internal struggle with anger, even if it makes you feel anxious at times
  • Don’t be too angry at yourself. Take responsibility where needed, but do not carry the full burden of the failure of your relationship
  • If your relationship ended over infidelity, or your ex left you for another guy, keep your anger directed at your ex and not at the other person. Blaming the other person will keep you from focusing on what you need to focus on: figuring out why your relationship ended and healing yourself. Always take the high road.
  • Journal about your anger.
  • Work out. Working out is a great way to release tension and vent your anger. When I was processing my breakup I would be able to always do a couple of extra repetitions just by picturing my ex. The anger I would feel would pump me up and allow me to go that extra inch.

Over time letting go of your anger will definitely help you move on. But to do so you need to feel it, experience it and express it.

Venting your anger will allow you to let go of it, and that will help you move on. To do so, you have to feel it, experience it and express it.

Resources

 

Did this article help you deal with breakup anger? Let me know in the comments! I love hearing from readers!

My Girlfriend Left Me For Another Guy

My girlfriend left me for another guy and it was devastating. It’s one thing to be on the receiving end of a breakup. You experience rejection by someone you love and hold dearly. It can be incredibly confusing and painful (which is why I created an extensive guide with all my best advice on how to get over a breakup for men). When your girlfriend leaves you for another man, however, things can get even worse.

Update: Be sure to check out the comment section for many similar stories!

Not only do you have to deal with feelings of rejection of being dumped, and feelings of loneliness and loss associated with the breakup, you ALSO have to deal with feelings of ineptitude, insignificance and betrayal. It’s brutal, and if it’s happened to you, I feel for you.

My girlfriend left me for someone else, and the intense, debilitating pain I went through was the catalyst for this blog. In addition I’ve talked to a lot of guys that have gone through similar experiences and I truly believe it is one of the most painful experiences available to the male human being.

It destroys your world.

I remember when it happened to me. It felt as if it had literally torn open my heart. The emotional pain was so bad it turned into physical pain combined with the worst types of anxiety I have ever experienced.

If that sounds familiar, you’ve come to the right place.

If you haven’t already, make sure you read my Breakup Guide For Men.

Listen man, I wish I could give you one technique to make all your pain go away. But I can’t. No one can. The reality is you’re going to feel like shit for a while.

But you know what? That’s okay. Because it’s normal to feel sad and depressed after a breakup. And you know what? You’re going to get over her. You’re going to deal with your breakup and move on. These days may be the hardest but it keeps getting easier and easier. And if you put the tools and techniques on this site to work, you’ll become a better man because of it!

I’m going to be super blunt with you, because if after reading my breakup guide, you’re still hungry for more. You need to hear this.

WARNING: This is not for the faint-hearted.
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The Breakup Bible

The Breakup Bible

The Breakup Bible by Rachel A. Sussman is a refreshing, effective and holistic guide to getting over a breakup. Although written specifically for women, a lot of the advice is just as valuable to men. Sussman draws from her experience as a licensed psychotherapist and lecturer specializing in relationship counseling.

Sussman’s approach is three-fold, focusing on healing, understanding and the transformation. She skillfully ties her experience as a licensed psychotherapist into this work by including detailed strategies for engaging your ex and understanding your personal Love Map.

Overall one of the best breakup guides I have read.

Check it out on Amazon or check out Rachel’s personal website.

Dealing With a Breakup For Men

How to deal with a breakup for menA break up hurts… like hell. There is no better way of putting it. It’s intensely painful. And dealing with a breakup involves getting through some of that pain to still be able to get things done in your life.

If it’s a recent break up, you’re probably still in shock and having a hard time accepting it emotionally. In fact your emotions are probably running the show. In this article I will teach you some techniques, specifically for guys, on how to deal with your breakup.

Regardless if you’ve been dating for a year, or married for twenty, you are going to be overwhelmed with incomprehensible sadness. Maybe even a combination of disbelief, anger and obsessiveness topped with an overall lack of control over your emotions. You’re not just mourning the loss of someone very close to you, dreams of growing old together are shredded.
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