Your pain may be rooted in old wounds you did not know about

Growing up as children we are constantly observing the world around us, absorbing it, and learning what lessons we need to learn to help us to prepare for the road ahead. So too with attachment. We look to our parents to teach us what love looks like and how to participate in it. What we […]

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Feelings disguised as facts

If you say “She is the only one I could ever love,” you feel it is true. This statement is a feeling disguised as a fact. [1] When certain thoughts are played over and over again inside your head, the associated beliefs become deeper ingrained and the association with emotions becomes stronger. The strength of […]

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Distortion of Time (Infant time)

One difficult you may have experienced is that certain feelings — your longing for your ex in particular — can unexpectedly overwhelm you. It is easier to come to terms with these cases if we come to a better understanding why we feel overwhelmed. Your longing for your ex is linked to the longing you […]

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The fundamental attribution error

The fundamental attribution error says that when we react to another person’s behavior we tend to overestimate that person’s character and we underestimate the situation.

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The despair phase

Academic psychologists and neuroscientists frequently use the distinction between the “Protest” phase of romantic rejection and the “Despair” phase. During the protest phase, deserted lovers obsessively try harder to win back their beloveds. As resignation sets in, they give up entirely and slip into despair. Once you transition from the protest phase to the despair […]

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The protest phase

Academic psychologists and neuroscientists frequently use the distinction between the “Protest” phase of romantic rejection and the “Despair” phase. During the protest phase, deserted lovers obsessively try harder to win back their beloveds. As resignation sets in, they give up entirely and slip into despair.

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Why it hurts a lot

In the Why it hurts we learned that, essentially, a breakup is supposed to hurt. The pain we feel is Nature’s way of telling us that there is something here we need to avoid to improve our odds of survival. That being said, the pain can also be utterly debilitating. It can completely paralyze us, disrupt […]

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Why it hurts

An excerpt from my book: In order to alleviate some of the pain you’re feeling, it’s worth understanding why those emotions are there in first place. By understanding their purpose, it will become easier to deal with them. Our emotional circuitry evolved over the course of millions of years. Like any other biological system we […]

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Hurt people hurt people

If I go through the emails I get from readers it is always painfully apparent how much hurting goes on. Infidelity, abuse, insensitivity — you name it. Often times guys will describe their relationship to me and it just sounds like a terrible cycle of pain. During or after the relationship, we seem to always find […]

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Does she really love this new guy?

Getting dumped and having your ex-girlfriend leave you for another guy is the most painful thing I have ever experience and many of the guys that have commented on this blog would probably agree with me. One question that I’ve heard these guys ask, more often than once, is: “Does she really love this new […]

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