You are ill-equipped to deal with grief

Grief is the normal reaction to a loss of any kind. The feelings you are having are normal and natural. However, in a society where we are increasingly conditioned to expect instant solutions — usually pharmaceutical ones — few people know what to do with these feelings, let alone how to help others that are […]

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Addicted to your ex-girlfriend

The dictionary definition of being addicted is being physically and mentally dependent on a particular substance. Typically we associate this condition with drug use, but doesn’t heartbreak display a physical and mental dependency as well? Author of How to break your addiction to a person, Howard M. Halpern, would agree. He identifies four characteristics to […]

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This can be harder on you than on her

Generally, the initiator of the breakup has an easier time getting over the relationship. If you’re reading this, more often than not, you’re not the initiator. So that will make things a bit harder on you. The main reason has to do with breakups not coming out of the blue. The initiator, on some level, […]

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Your pain may be rooted in old wounds you did not know about

Growing up as children we are constantly observing the world around us, absorbing it, and learning what lessons we need to learn to help us to prepare for the road ahead. So too with attachment. We look to our parents to teach us what love looks like and how to participate in it. What we […]

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Feelings disguised as facts

If you say “She is the only one I could ever love,” you feel it is true. This statement is a feeling disguised as a fact. [1] When certain thoughts are played over and over again inside your head, the associated beliefs become deeper ingrained and the association with emotions becomes stronger. The strength of […]

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Distortion of Time (Infant time)

One difficult you may have experienced is that certain feelings — your longing for your ex in particular — can unexpectedly overwhelm you. It is easier to come to terms with these cases if we come to a better understanding why we feel overwhelmed. Your longing for your ex is linked to the longing you […]

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The fundamental attribution error

The fundamental attribution error says that when we react to another person’s behavior we tend to overestimate that person’s character and we underestimate the situation.

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The despair phase

Academic psychologists and neuroscientists frequently use the distinction between the “Protest” phase of romantic rejection and the “Despair” phase. During the protest phase, deserted lovers obsessively try harder to win back their beloveds. As resignation sets in, they give up entirely and slip into despair. Once you transition from the protest phase to the despair […]

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The protest phase

Academic psychologists and neuroscientists frequently use the distinction between the “Protest” phase of romantic rejection and the “Despair” phase. During the protest phase, deserted lovers obsessively try harder to win back their beloveds. As resignation sets in, they give up entirely and slip into despair.

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Why it hurts a lot

In the Why it hurts we learned that, essentially, a breakup is supposed to hurt. The pain we feel is Nature’s way of telling us that there is something here we need to avoid to improve our odds of survival. That being said, the pain can also be utterly debilitating. It can completely paralyze us, disrupt […]

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