Feelings disguised as facts

If you say “She is the only one I could ever love,” you feel it is true. This statement is a feeling disguised as a fact. [1]

When certain thoughts are played over and over again inside your head, the associated beliefs become deeper ingrained and the association with emotions becomes stronger.

The strength of these emotions or the familiarity of these stories have no bearing whatsoever on whether or not they represent an actual truth.

By becoming conscious of these cycles, we can break out of them.

First, through reason and empirical evidence.

Based on what we observe in the world, through our senses, we formulate a theory that is consistent with those observations, and arrive at a reasonable understanding of what is actually true.

This is how scientists have come to understand the world. Because reality is logical and consistent, we are able to observe it and formulate theories about it which can be successfully applied to the whole of reality.

We cannot arrive at truth through emotions — even though we very often think we do.

I remember a Skype conversation with my mother during my breakup. I was in a deep and dark place at the time and I called her up in tears. I could not stop crying. I remember saying about my ex-girlfriend: “Mom, she’s my soulmate.”

At the time, I “knew” this to be true. She “was” my soulmate, there wasn’t a cell in my body that doubted it.

It turned out, however, not to be the case.

I, like many others, had arrived at a supposed truth through emotion rather than reason and evidence. There was no evidence to back up my case.

“I know whether or not someone is my soulmate,“ you might say, “without needing an argument to support that claim.”

This, however, is circular logic. You know she is your soulmate. How do you know that? Well, because you know it.

The fact you feel something to be true, has no bearing on whether it is actually true.

Examine the evidence.

[1]: I Can Mend Your Broken Heart. (2016). I Can Mend Your Broken Heart. Hay House.

About Jesse

I’ve been helping guys recover from their breakups since 2012. Work with me to fast-track your recovery.

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