Throughout the aftermath of your breakup you will feel a wide range of emotions. Some will be more overwhelming than others and some will be less pleasant than others.
Our goal is to process these emotions and learn the lessons they are here to teach us. To accomplish that we must strive to acknowledge our emotions when they occur. It is far too easy to lose awareness, and get caught up in the emotions themselves or in our reactions to them.
When we forget or refuse to acknowledge an emotion, we create more suffering for ourselves.
If we refuse to acknowledge we are angry, our anger will not wane and we will remain angry for a longer time.
We must peal back all the layers of the emotional onion we are feeling.
During my most recent breakup, on multiple occasions I would feel anger swell up. I was aware of all the lessons and technique which I try to teach here, but still I managed to lose my awareness.
I was aware of the anger, but since I didn’t want to be angry, I told myself that I wasn’t going to be angry.
I only realized later that in doing so, I was making a value judgment towards the anger I was feeling. I felt it was a petty, primitive emotion that I shouldn’t be feeling.
I did not see this value judgment for what it was, another layer of emotion on top of the underlying anger. It caused me to suppress my anger and gave rise to a longer-term background level of frustration.
Only when I realized this, was I able to allow myself to feel angry but also allow myself to not want to feel angry at the same time.
Acknowledging your emotions becomes more difficult when there are multiple layers of emotions involved and they contradict one another.
Whenever you catch yourself feeling something, bring your awareness to it. What is it you’re feeling? What label can you put on this feeling? Is there any judgment attached to it? If so, always shine the light of your awareness on the judgment. What label can you put on it?